How to Make Friends with ONE Simple Word
I’m coming to you to tell you the simplest trick I have ever come across on how to make friends. There’s one word. There’s one magic word, that as a grownup, as a mom, as an adult, you can use to make friends. Like real friends! Like, actual, legit, not Facebook “friends,” but real friends, all right?
Before we get to that, before I tell you what the one word is that’s gonna help you make friends, I want to say: I love my old friends, but I want to make new friends. Especially when I move, I want to connect with people. I want to have face-to-face interaction that’s enjoyable, that I look forward to. That’s something that you do with friends, right? You go out and dance, you sing karaoke, you paint and sip, you do all of these things with your friends. And if you don’t have friends, you might end up getting stuck in your own tiny little bubble, and then you want to shake the people that are in the bubble… and that’s not healthy.
That’s the back story, and I know that a lot of people are shy. They’re like, “Ew, but what if they reject me?” It’s kinda like dating. You don’t want to put yourself out there and say “Hi, do you want to be my friend?” Because people are like, “I don’t know, I’m good, I have friends.” First of all, that’s not true. We all want more friends, except for this tiny little handful of people that doesn’t. For the most part, we all want more friends, especially if you move a lot, especially if you are in a different stage of your life — maybe you just got married and all your friends are still single, that changes the dynamic. Or you just had kids and none of your old friends have kids yet. They love you, but they’re not gonna come over and drink wine with you and try to avoid stepping on Legos. They’ll do it once or twice, and then they’re gonna be like, “Okay, that was fun. I’m gonna go out and do grownup stuff.”
So when you get into these new stages of life, and you’re like, “Ah, I don’t have any friends anymore,” first of all, know that everybody feels that way, okay? You who have recently moved or you military spouses, you know more than anybody that when you move, you go back to almost ground zero with friends, and you want to make more. You guys know. You understand wanting to be more involved and incorporated with that, yeah?
Here’s the thing. Here’s that one word. (It’s not wine.) The one word that is going to help you make new friends as a grownup. That word is…
It’s as simple as it gets. The word is yes. And when you say yes, things happen. When you say yes, you get involved with people. You go to things. Okay. I went and decorated cookies this morning. If you know me, you know I don’t like cookies. If I get a treat, it’s gonna be a beer and some french fries. I have no interest in cookies whatsoever … but I like making new friends. I like meeting people. And so I said yes when there was this post that came up this morning that said, “Hey, we’ve got four more spots for this cookie decorating class, ‘cause we had some cancellations. Anybody want to come?” And I was like… “Yes! Yes, I do.” And I went. Let me tell you what, guys, I met like five people I am legit gonna follow up with and be like, “This was so much fun, I’m glad I met you.” I had people get my phone number. When was the last time somebody asked for your phone number?! It’s so cool!!
So say yes! Do things that are weird. Do things that you don’t think that you would like. I just went, you know? It was down the street from my daughter’s preschool. I knew somebody that was gonna be there. And I went, and people said, “It’s so good to see you. We haven’t seen you since September!” I said, “Oh, that’s ‘cause I haven’t been at anything since September.” But it was so much fun, and I made friends, y’all. Are these gonna be my new besties? I don’t know. Maybe, maybe not. But I said yes, and I enjoyed myself, so already a win-win. My kids got cookies, so they’re ecstatic. And I met new people.
Has anybody ever done that? Has anybody ever gone somewhere? Where have you gone that was weird and you were like, I don’t know about this, and then you made friends? I met one friend because I showed up to Stroller Warriors. I was scared. I didn’t know how to run. We became friends that day. It was fantastic.
Lots of people who get invited to things, they get scared. They’re like, “Maybe I won’t know anybody. Maybe they’ll think I’m weird. Maybe everybody else is already friends with everybody else.” Y’all, seriously. This is not middle school. It’s not gonna be people giving you the cold shoulder like, “Oh, we don’t know you.” Nobody does that! ‘Cause then they don’t have friends. Nobody has time for foolishness.
So I’m telling you, next time somebody says “Hey, I’m doing such and such, I’m having a LipSense party, I’m having a Pampered Chef party, we’re going to karaoke, we’re gonna paint and sip.” Go somewhere that you wouldn’t normally go. Just say yes. Facebook is fantastic, because there are events all the time. Just. Say. Yes.
I know you’re tired. I know you’ve got a house to clean. I know you’ve got food to cook. I know you’ve got a million different things that you need to do, and you don’t really have ti
me to add in “frivolous” activities, but that is how you build relationships. That is what is going to support your heart and give you those connections that you need with people, so that you can stay sane and not strangle the people that are in your tiny little bubble that you have to keep alive. That’s what I’m saying.
Just say yes. That’s all you have to do. The rest will happen. Sometimes will there be a bust? Sure, but like, I play Bunco now. I’m not a Bunco person. I don’t go to book club, because… I don’t know. Maybe I’ll go to book club this month, whatever. Especially if you’ve got a community – your church community, your coworking community, your fitness community, your neighborhood. Even your local church, they do stuff that’s not like, churchy stuff. So do that, go to the carnival. The smaller the group, the more awkward it is to say yes, but the better chance you have of really connecting with people. If you go somewhere and there are 100 people, you’re less likely to connect. You’re more likely to swim around in the sea and just stay lost. I walked into that cookie decorating class this morning and I had two seconds before somebody came up and said “Hi, you must be Katy! I’m so glad you’re here.” And like whoosh, I was in.
That’s what you gotta do. This is your job, your homework for the week, is to say yes to something that you wouldn’t normally say yes to, and see where it takes you.
I love you guys and I love to share the love. I hope you guys have a fantastic day.